So thankful..

Things I am thankful for today...

• little boy snuggles first thing when he gets up
• green grapes
• coffee...always
• sister love
• a boss who somehow just knew that today would be the perfect day to buy me an ice cream sandwich just because....it was delicious
• not freaking out (yet) about the calories, fat, sugar, etc in the above sandwich....baby steps, lo, baby steps. Food disorders are terrible, terrible things
• my Savior, Jesus, for loving my imperfect self...no matter what
• Hope.

Just for me...

back to blogging....but, this time...just for me. For a place to jot my thoughts. For a place to jot my struggles and wins. Blogging is a great place for a socially awkward introvert to talk...without really having to talk.

Dear today,

You are a whole new day. Filled with joy because any day I get to live is a day worth living. I will not let negativity take over any longer.

I can do all things through my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Lo

Little Things, Big Impact-Marriage

I have a long list (literally) of things that I need/want to write posts about today to get caught up but, then some things happened this morning that really got me thinking. As you all know, my son has been having trouble sleeping off and on for the last month or two. This has made for long nights for momma and everybody knows what long nights and long days for momma means, right? Yep, crankiness. It's true...I have been exhausted and a bit (ahem, probably more than a bit) on edge lately. On top of long nights, I am still working my full time job (which I love) along with running the Etsy shop and also, have been hired on to liquidate a home FULL of furniture and misc things. F. U. L. L., peeps. Needless to say, I have been feeling spread a bit thin and also, frustrated with myself because I have not been able to get as much accomplished which each thing as I would like to. Now, I LOVE being busy...especially when it is something that I am busy with something I truly enjoy like busy taking care of my family or selling vintage. However, you have to have a system to make it all work and sometimes, even though I think I am superwoman, I can't do it all.

As you all know, I am married to a darling husband. He really is great. But, marriage is hard work. Just like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it. There are many variations of the "grass is greener on the other side quote.." but, recently I read one that said this:

"The grass is greener on the other side because they take better care of it" 

(source unknown...if this came from your site or you know who said it, PLEASE let me know so I can give you credit where credit is due)

Lately, my marriage has NOT been #1 on my priority list...or #2 or even #5...we have just been "existing". And, dear husband, has been existing with someone who has been less than ideal to "exist" around. It really hit me on Halloween night when I was scrambling to get the dinner dishes washed so I could get the cookie decorating started and husband asked me a random questions about a piece of jewelry I had sitting by the sink. All he asked was how to open it. At that moment, I was irritated. SO stupid, I know. I was irritated because couldn't he see that my hands and arms were wet and covered with soap and that bangle didn't have anything to do with what I was doing at that moment and basically "how dare he expect me to stop what I was doing, dry my hands, and show him how to open it" when really, he didn't expect me to do that. He just asked a question. Looking back I realize how completely ridiculous it was and how ashamed I am of myself for letting something as small as that get to me. That's when I realized that I had let things get too crazy and I was NOT Superwoman at all. 

Something else to know about husband and I is we are on opposite schedules. Husband has to do computer work late at night pretty often and he is accustomed to being a night owl. I am a granny who likes to be in bed basically before 9 pm. So, he stays up late and sleeps in and I go to bed early and get up really early...most of the time...except this morning. After a long week of not much sleep and staying up too late again last night (my fault), I overslept. I woke up and in my mind, I panicked. I had about 20 minutes to get myself ready for work, get Finn ready for school, and get out the door. I hurried out of bed and got my contacts in then proceeded to go zap yesterday's coffee (gross but, it's the truth when you are in a hurry!) and then something happened.....husband got up. Without saying a word, he went and woke Finn up, took him potty, got him dressed for school, and brushed his hair. Now, I know to some of you this may not seem like that big of a deal...but, to me, it was HUGE . I would be lying if I said I was not tearing up even now as I type this. That simple act of him helping me out this morning meant I was not late to work, no one was snappy or rushed (ahem..me), I had time to help Finn pick a toy to play with this morning at school (our daily routine unless we are running late). It was the BIGGEST help I could have ever asked for...and even more, I didn't have to ask for it. 

My point of telling you all of this is several things:

First, even when you think you can do everything, you probably can't. Maybe you CAN physically get them done but, not without it taking a toll on other areas of your life...even when you don't realize it. 

Second, always be sure to take care of each other. A marriage is a team. No one person can do it alone even though they try really hard to. Yesterday, it was late and I was unloading some things from my car and husband said "is there any way I can help you?" and even though at that moment, I didn't need help, it was the fact that he took the time to ask that got my attention. He also put Finn's jammies on while I changed my clothes. Again, something small but, such a BIG help to make our household run smoother. 

Third, if you feel like your marriage is strained or you find yourself feeling a bit blue, ask yourself if you are taking care of your grass. It is easy to get frustrated with each other and, dare I even say it, it's easy to focus on what the other person isn't doing instead of what YOU yourself aren't doing. Ree Drummond, the Pioneer Woman explained it really well when she said that marriage is not 50/50..it should be 100/100. If you both give 100% all the time, then when the other person isn't feeling their best/having the best day, etc..you are right there by their side to help them. Someone is always giving 100%.  Everyone is human, everyone has bad days, everyone needs help. 

There are lots of other things that can help a household be the best that it can be but, I really wanted to focus on a few points today. I think marriage is like being a parent...it's sometimes trying, sometimes exhausting but, always amazing....you just need a little extra elbow grease sometimes. 

Also, dear husband, thank you so much for all of your extra efforts last night and this morning to make my life easier. It really, really helped me more than I could ever express and I feel like a new person today. I really appreciate you. Love-Lo

1 week in...so far, so good :)

I am back from my week long birthdaybonanazapalooza celebration and finally over what I like to call my "birthday hangover" (not that kind of hangover, peeps...) Let me just say...it was awesome. So many thoughtful gifts, great lunch dates, fun surprise activities, etc. They deserve a post all of there own and there will be one once I can get my photos organized and all that. I guess I am moving a bit slower in my old age...ahem 

Since today is Halloween "Eve", let's talk for a second....

This year, we are not going trick or treating....

let that sink in for a minute....

Or, maybe you don't have to but, for some reason I am having to defend myself somewhat for this decision. The reason behind this is that my son is a bit timid about some things. Friday night I took him to my dear friend V's annual Halloween Party (seriously, Martha would be jealous...always a great time!) and even though we knew everyone there, my son was terrified. We spent 99% of the evening in the toy room playing just the two of us or in one of the boys' bedrooms jumping on their mini trampoline. He just didn't understand the costumes.....and, it wasn't even just the grown ups that he was afraid of. He was also scared of the kids that were dressed up. I knew that he was timid about things before the party (trying to watch Wallace and Gromit the other night lasted about 2 minutes and we were up with nightmares) but, I thought he would be fine since we were at a familiar house with familiar people....I was wrong.  Let's just say he is definitely like his momma and just does NOT do well with things that are the least bit "scary" so for that reason, we gave him the choice of what he wanted to do. His reply "I want to have a dance party" (side note: we quite often turn some music on in our house and dance around...it's fun, it's exercise, it's a good laugh..we like it). So, instead of risking more late nights and bad dreams, I am having a "Mini Monster Bash" at our house and together Finn and I will be making some very, very kid friendly Halloween themed foods (sugar cookies, banana ghosts, etc) and just playing at home. The only problem is, I am having to really explain myself for this...wait...what? From the child's point of view, he is just fine. He has a Halloween party and costume parade at Pre-K tomorrow and then fun activities at home? Oh, yeah, he is PUMPED! But, I somehow feel like a "bad parent" for not taking him door to door to get candy this year. I have no problem with trick or treating at all...I just think he will do better next year when he "gets it" a little better. Am I the only parent who is in this position? Does anyone else have this going on right now? Am I depriving my child of something this year? Any advice on how to explain this to other people without being looked at like I am crazy? 

I feel guilty now like I am keeping him from something even though I really and truly think it is for the best. Any thoughts?

The Number 30...

Things have been a little quiet on the ol' blog here for a little bit and I don't really have a reason why! Just everyday this and that I suppose! While I need to recap what we have been doing, this post won't be that....because, you see, 

today is my birthday! 

Not just any old birthday (although, no birthday is any old birthday because EVERY birthday deserves a week long celebration....) but, today I am 30 and 30 is going to be a good year. I remember when I was in my early 20's and I thought 30 sounded SO old and I wondered if I would struggle with turning 30 like some  have....but instead of being sad or worrying about losing "my youth" or something crazy like that.....I am excited! Over the past few years there have been so many changes (both for the good and for the bad) and here lately (as I have mentioned on here before) I have been doing some "soul searching"....who am I? Am I the person I want to be? Am I the mother I want to be? Also, I have been asking myself...where did "I" go? Like many mothers, I put my family first (for obvious reasons and this is not bad) but, so much so that I kind of lost myself along the way. I am always amazed at those moms who look impeccable with a newborn next to them but, I was not one of them....I am still not one of them because I put myself dead last. Something I have learned is there is a big difference between putting others first and putting yourself absolutely last. I always thought I was being selfish if I did something for myself.....like spend money on clothing or getting my hair done, taking time away from my family for "me" time, etc. 

And I WAS WRONG....

After 3 years of putting myself last, I realized something. It's okay to do things for yourself once in a while...it's okay to take a minute to care how I look and it's okay to ask husband to stay home with Finny while he naps so that I can go do something by myself. It doesn't make me a bad mother and it doesn't make me a bad wife.....I am finally learning that it actually makes me a better mother and wife to take a moment to decompress every once in a while. With those thoughts in mind, I have decided to make a list of goals for my 30th year....30 things about myself that I would like to either improve or put more focus on. 

30 Goals For 30:

1) Get organized...I am listing this one first because I made a list of 30 things and then proceeded to lose it....which is why I need to get organized. I am a big believer in "To Do" lists and jotting down things I want to remember which is great...unless you lose them...ahem.

2) Exercise at least three times a week...I used to be one of "those people" you know the ones...that work out 6 days a week and I LOVED it. There is nothing better (for me at least) on a bad day then a good workout or a long run. Trouble is I stopped making the time for it and started feeling AWFUL both physically and emotionally so enough is enough.

3) Dress like I care.....it's not that I didn't care before but, I got into the bad habit of just wearing the same old stuff all the time...I am definitely not saying that I need to buy a lot of new clothes but I AM saying that it's okay to take a few minutes and change things up a little bit and try to put a little more effort into what I look like.

4) Pray more. No explanation needed there. God is my A #1 and I need to take a few more minutes out of every day to let Him know that. 

5) Cook more. I LOVE to cook but, I never do anymore. We go out to eat A LOT and I am really burned out on it...not to mention the effect it has on my waist line and bank account! For me, there is a lot of pride in making something tasty and healthy for my family. 

6) Eat less processed food.....goes along with #5. You are what you eat!

7) Write more real letters. In a day and age where everything is instant and electronic, "real" mail is almost a thing of the past.....which is a shame. I love writing and receiving cards and letters and really want to make an effort to do this more. 

8) Housekeeping- our house is never sloppy or messy however, it would be nice to get in the habit of doing a few more chores everyday so that I have more "play" time on the weekends. :)

9) See a dermatologist-adult acne and extreme dry skin/psoriasis and I will no longer be friends anymore....you hear me skin? I am getting you in check. 

10) Start a savings account and "pay myself" out of every check-this should have been number one. We are not prepared for emergencies and it causes me quite a bit of anxiety and stress. There is no better time than now to get some money set aside and some debt paid off. 

11) Speaking of anxiety-My name is Lauren and I am socially awkward. I really struggle with social anxiety and am a hermit. Which is especially bad because my husband is very, very social. I am going to really try to be better about meeting new people and getting out of the house more. To be honest, this makes me sweat just thinking about it! Just being honest here....

12) The glass is half full-find and focus on the beauty in all situations. Negative thoughts are like junk food and a bad summer cold. They are contagious, they make you feel terrible, and they can ruin your day pretty quick. I want to remember to focus only on the good in each day as much as possible and ignore the rest. 

13) Stick with "Think before you speak" but, then remember to actually speak-I am the "peacemaker"..the one who never, ever wants to rock the boat which means I tend to keep things to myself. While sometimes this is a good thing, it can also be very bad. It is okay to speak up for yourself as long you do it in a positive way. It is not okay to let yourself get run over for the good of someone else. Repeat after me "this is NOT okay"

14) Read more. I read a lot with my son. We LOVE to read together. I just don't read a lot for myself. I really enjoy it but it is also one of those things that I don't make time for. 

15) Unplug. Put down the cell phone, get off of the computer, and go outside. Seems like we are always focused on our phones, etc. I have one word for that: Yuck. There is a time and a place for everything and the time for checking your phone is not when we are on a date, spending family time, etc. Focus on today before today is gone....you don't get that time back. There is nothing on my phone that is worth missing anything for. 

16) Blog more. Ha! Kind of ironic that I am mentioning this after #15 but, I am in the position to be able to post at times that aren't "family time" so this is a little different. I enjoy blogging and would love to get better at it

17) Get the house decorated. We have been in our house for almost a year and it feels very "undone". I would really like to work on this a little bit more all while sticking to my saving money goal....time to get creative!! 

18) Dust the cob webs off of my German books. Before I ever had my son, I always said I wanted my children to grow up somewhat bilingual. If nothing else but to expand their learning styles a bit more, teach them some culture, etc. While I am in no way fluent in German (we all know I sometimes struggle with English..hello run on sentences!!), I do know the basics and would love to learn more.

19) Make some art. Take the ideas I have jotted down (and hopefully held on to) and make them happen. 

20) Fire myself-I am my own worst critic...I think a lot of people have this problem. This goes along with the "thinking more positively" but, I need to learn to accept a compliment and not reply with something I smudged while painting, didn't season right, etc. Learn to say "thank you" and smile :) People don't say nice things to pad your ego...they say them because they mean them (unless they don't and then, well, I don't know what to say about those people)

21) Wash my face every single day before bed...I know, I know....I hear you chuckling and looking back at #9 and saying "well, duh!" I promise you that a few missed face washes are not the only culprit behind my skin woes. It's partly genetic and partly because I have yet to find the skin care regimen that works best for me. 

22) Take more pictures. This is a BIG one. I don't take enough pictures and I never want to forget all the great things that happen everyday. Husband and I have discussed getting a good camera and that will something that I start saving for once we have a good emergency fund set aside. 

23) Try and do more with Veda Marie's. I love having an Etsy store and would like to learn more about making it successful. 

24) Do more as a family. Picnics, trips to the playground, going for walks.....I would love to do more things with husband and son. (this goes along with unplugging, etc) 

25) Clean out the "office". Finish the projects I have started in there before I start anything else. 

26) Find myself...not in the mid life crisis sort of way because that is nowhere NEAR where I am. I just feel like I put myself dead last for so long that sometimes I can't remember what I like. This may sound silly to some but, it is true. You "ignore" your own identity for long enough and you will turn around one day and it will be gone. I have been working on an "inspiration board" to put up things I like or that make me smile 

27) Volunteer. This does not need an explanation....

28) Clean out my closet. I have some clothes that I never wear because they either don't fit or I don't exactly know how to wear them. For whatever the reason, I have kept them with the idea that I might wear them someday but really they are just taking up space. My goal is to go through my closet and try on every item I own. If it doesn't fit or I don't "know how to wear it", donate it. There is no reason for things to hang in my closet unworn when someone else would love to have them.

29) Learn what things really matter....and what doesn't. This applies to so many things in my life. It is easy to get caught up in the little things sometime and 99% of the time, they don't really matter and are not worth your time or your tears. 

30) Laugh more: laughter is the best medicine.....and if that doesn't work, go for a run. :)

I know my original list may have been slightly different than this one and it makes me frustrated that I misplaced it. Even more reason to regroup! There are probably many, many more things that I could list here but, one step at a time, right? 

All I know is, 30 I am so ready for you.

Fave* Foods-Pesto Chicken Casserole

*If you have read my recipes/posts for a little bit, you may notice that there is something missing from the title there....Be warned! This is NOT a "fit" recipe....but, it sure was delicious! I do think, however, that next time I make this, I will try and "lighten" it up and bit! 

Pesto Chicken Pasta Casserole-very slightly adjusted from original recipe found here
Makes 6 servings

1/4 cup bread crumbs
1/4 grated Parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon italian seasoning
1 1/2 teaspoons olive oil
8 ounces whole wheat rotini pasta
3 cups diced, cooked chicken breast
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
2 cups fresh spinach
8 ounces (about 1/2 of a 15 ounce jar) Alfredo sauce
3 heaping tablespoons pesto sauce
3/4 skim milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Coat a 9x9 glass baking dish with nonstick spray. In a small bowl, combine the bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, Italian seasoning, and olive oil until moist then set aside. Cook pasta according to package directions until cooked yet firm. Drain in colander and set aside.

In a medium bowl, combine chicken, shredded cheese, spinach, Alfredo sauce, pesto sauce, and milk. Stir cooked pasta into chicken mixture and spread into the prepared baking dish. Top with the bread crumb mixture and bake 20 to 25 minutes or until bubbly and golden brown.

The original recipe calls for 2 cups of cheese however, I only had one (poor planning on my part) but, I don't feel like it needed any more. It also calls for diced tomatoes but, I left those out because the hubby doesn't like them. All in all, this recipe was super tasty and would even be good with the addition of some broccoli or fresh sliced mushrooms (don't worry, husband, I won't try to slip those in on you). I cut the recipe in half to make only the 6 servings (original made 12) and it was more than enough for the 3 of us. I will say that this tastes even better reheated (after the flavors absorb more in the fridge) so, if your household is the type that will eat leftovers happily, make more! Even my husband (who rarely will eat leftovers) heated this up on his own and ate it!

If you try this and have any pointers or ideas, let me know! I would love to hear how it turns out for you!

Enjoy!

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For Cindy, SuperTy's SuperMomma

Today is Super Ty's momma's birthday. Instead of birthday wishes, she asked that people share his story. You all know that I have shared it here before but, if you have not taken the time to go read it or if you don't have more than 15 seconds, please say a quick thought of prayer for them today...especially for Cindy. She has fought (and continues to fight) against horrible, terrible cancer for her son. Her first born. Her baby. Only God truly knows how much longer their battle will be but, I do know that her battle will live on until one day when her and Ty are both in heaven without cancer, without pain, without medicine, without crankiness caused by steroids, without sadness, and without tears. 

Please take a minute to go read their story. If anything, go look at the photo she posted of Ty this weekend smiling so big! So brave!