As you all know, I am married to a darling husband. He really is great. But, marriage is hard work. Just like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it. There are many variations of the "grass is greener on the other side quote.." but, recently I read one that said this:
"The grass is greener on the other side because they take better care of it"
(source unknown...if this came from your site or you know who said it, PLEASE let me know so I can give you credit where credit is due)
Lately, my marriage has NOT been #1 on my priority list...or #2 or even #5...we have just been "existing". And, dear husband, has been existing with someone who has been less than ideal to "exist" around. It really hit me on Halloween night when I was scrambling to get the dinner dishes washed so I could get the cookie decorating started and husband asked me a random questions about a piece of jewelry I had sitting by the sink. All he asked was how to open it. At that moment, I was irritated. SO stupid, I know. I was irritated because couldn't he see that my hands and arms were wet and covered with soap and that bangle didn't have anything to do with what I was doing at that moment and basically "how dare he expect me to stop what I was doing, dry my hands, and show him how to open it" when really, he didn't expect me to do that. He just asked a question. Looking back I realize how completely ridiculous it was and how ashamed I am of myself for letting something as small as that get to me. That's when I realized that I had let things get too crazy and I was NOT Superwoman at all.
Something else to know about husband and I is we are on opposite schedules. Husband has to do computer work late at night pretty often and he is accustomed to being a night owl. I am a granny who likes to be in bed basically before 9 pm. So, he stays up late and sleeps in and I go to bed early and get up really early...most of the time...except this morning. After a long week of not much sleep and staying up too late again last night (my fault), I overslept. I woke up and in my mind, I panicked. I had about 20 minutes to get myself ready for work, get Finn ready for school, and get out the door. I hurried out of bed and got my contacts in then proceeded to go zap yesterday's coffee (gross but, it's the truth when you are in a hurry!) and then something happened.....husband got up. Without saying a word, he went and woke Finn up, took him potty, got him dressed for school, and brushed his hair. Now, I know to some of you this may not seem like that big of a deal...but, to me, it was HUGE . I would be lying if I said I was not tearing up even now as I type this. That simple act of him helping me out this morning meant I was not late to work, no one was snappy or rushed (ahem..me), I had time to help Finn pick a toy to play with this morning at school (our daily routine unless we are running late). It was the BIGGEST help I could have ever asked for...and even more, I didn't have to ask for it.
My point of telling you all of this is several things:
First, even when you think you can do everything, you probably can't. Maybe you CAN physically get them done but, not without it taking a toll on other areas of your life...even when you don't realize it.
Second, always be sure to take care of each other. A marriage is a team. No one person can do it alone even though they try really hard to. Yesterday, it was late and I was unloading some things from my car and husband said "is there any way I can help you?" and even though at that moment, I didn't need help, it was the fact that he took the time to ask that got my attention. He also put Finn's jammies on while I changed my clothes. Again, something small but, such a BIG help to make our household run smoother.
Third, if you feel like your marriage is strained or you find yourself feeling a bit blue, ask yourself if you are taking care of your grass. It is easy to get frustrated with each other and, dare I even say it, it's easy to focus on what the other person isn't doing instead of what YOU yourself aren't doing. Ree Drummond, the Pioneer Woman explained it really well when she said that marriage is not 50/50..it should be 100/100. If you both give 100% all the time, then when the other person isn't feeling their best/having the best day, etc..you are right there by their side to help them. Someone is always giving 100%. Everyone is human, everyone has bad days, everyone needs help.
There are lots of other things that can help a household be the best that it can be but, I really wanted to focus on a few points today. I think marriage is like being a parent...it's sometimes trying, sometimes exhausting but, always amazing....you just need a little extra elbow grease sometimes.
Also, dear husband, thank you so much for all of your extra efforts last night and this morning to make my life easier. It really, really helped me more than I could ever express and I feel like a new person today. I really appreciate you. Love-Lo
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