Happy 3rd Birthday!!

You are so very beautiful, sweet baby boy <3

BEYOND excited about that balloon!!

So handsome!

You are such a ham! This is what 99% of momma's photos look like....you never stop laughing! 

3 years ago today...

....I met you face to face. I was already consumed with a love for you that can only be expressed from one momma to another. I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant. I remember crazy months following that moment and how glad I was that you were safe in my tummy while I got life in order to start over on this new road ahead. oh, how I LOVED carrying you in my tummy. I must have looked so funny just walking around smiling all the time knowing you were there...every movement was such a blessing. I looked forward to the evenings when I could be off my feet from a long day at work and just lay in bed and watch you move. I loved playing with you then just as I do now. I remember the long days leading up to when you would get here...I was so ready...a stunning and beyond generous baby shower girls night threw you to get your momma ready with everything I could ever need and more...my bag packed by the door a month before you were due to arrive...and a good thing too! Because you did not wait a month to get here! I remember that feeling the morning I woke up and something just was not right...little did I know the adventure that lied ahead or that I would be rushing to the hospital that very evening...two weeks early. I remember the flood of tears when they wheeled me back to the OR...fear, exhaustion, excitement....I could not stop them....until you were here and I heard you cry...then they brought you around to my face and I spoke to you and you stopped crying and just looked at me. I will never forget that face...you recognized my voice after months and months of talking to you and singing to you. Groggy from medication they wheeled me to recovery and took you to be examined. You needed help, dear baby....something was not right. The next three weeks were the longest three weeks of our lives...but I thank God every single day that it was only three weeks. It was so hard to go home without you but I am eternally grateful you did get to come home. So many of your "roommates" in the NICU had been there for so long....or shudder to think of the alternative. We are so blessed, little baby boy. So very lucky. Momma will never forget those moments.....those things we went through....I will never forget your drs or nurses. As three years have gone by and I have watched you learn so much and grow into the little man you are today, I can't help but be overcome by emotion. I am SO proud of you. SO very proud of your hard work and of the little person you are becoming. And though there are times you test me, I am still in awe of you....watching you discover new things everyday and watching your brain work. You are so smart, dear baby boy...you will do great things..I just know it. God has big plans for you, my dear.

To say I love you, dear Finnley, is such an understatement..."Love" alone does not express what you are to me. You gave me a purpose....I used to thing that God blessed me when He saved me from my own little hospital adventure when I was young but no, that was not it....that was nothing compared to Him giving me you. 

Happy, happy, happy birthday, my little Finny Berliny <3

*believe it or not, but this was definitely the short version! 

oh, hi there!

It literally has been so long since I have written a post that I had to really think for a second to remember my password.....(laugh if you must, but this is a common problem for me!)...but, here I am...As much as I would love to say that I have been away from my blog because I have be galavanting (is this even a word? if so, this is probably NOT how you really spell it) around the world or solving the world's problems or doing research in a fancy, state of the art lab somewhere...alas, I have not.....so, here is what we have really been up to:

• (yes, bullets.....gotta make a list, people..it's been a while) Potty training.....son got a rash on his bum that required us (him..not really "US") to be without pants for an entire weekend so I took that (and the very direct words of the pediatrician to my toddler who was wearing a diaper at the time of the appointment) to give potty training another try.....it was actually pretty successful..however, having a toddler run around without anything on for a weekend is like having a very small puppy in your home....don't think I need to say more there! Ultimately, we are going in the potty 98.5% of the time at home and about -5% of the time at school....
• I ran my first ever 5k race and it was awesome. I am officially hooked and CANNOT wait to run another race! I ran "Miles for Miller" to support The Miller McNeil Woodruff Foundation and SMA research...I know I have talked about Miller and his amazing family on here before but if you are not familiar, please take a moment to read their story
• Baby boy is turning 3 TOMORROW (I can hear your thoughts now...no wonder the dr was scolding you about the diapers...I know, I know...) and lots of things/feelings have stemmed from that. First off....man, how time flies....three already?! I would love to say that I have not been feeling a little sappy about all of this but I am a momma and I really have been. Do not get me wrong....I LOVE how much he is doing and learning on a daily basis and feel very blessed to be able to share all of these things with him....it is a little bittersweet that my baby is no longer a teeny baby anymore :) Also, we are have a birthday party for him at the house which has put me in a strange kind of "nesting mode" (No, not THAT kind of nesting mode...we are still and will continue to be for quite some time a family of 3 only!) I have been in a frenzy trying to get our home decorated and ready to accommodate a very small crowd of friends and kids....on a budget....of about $1.52.....anybody up for a challenge?? :)
• Celebrating a ton of other birthdays of dear friends and loved ones!! Including my momma and my nephew, R, who are celebrating birthdays TODAY!! Happy birthday to both of you!! <3  (and yes, we almost had 3 immediate family birthdays on the same day!) Along with their birthdays today, we have celebrated cousins, grandparents, other parents, and friends who all have had a birthday within the last few weeks!!  
• Black Thumb Betty-well, my plants are still growing but not really producing anything which is another post..I have definitely learned some things about gardening from this experience and am excited to put them to work next year! Stay tuned for a separate post...

Whew! That, my friends, was long winded....so besides those things, we really haven't been up to too much (although it seems like I have been running around like a maniac lately....possibly I should throw a few more bullets up there to make my list match how I feel!)

Speaking of feelings (since most of you are asleep by now if you haven't gotten up to get a glass of tea and maybe even a cookie), the final reason I haven't been on here is I just have not been feeling like myself lately.  No specific reason in particular but I find myself thinking a lot lately about where my life is, where it's going, where it isn't going, etc. Just doing some soul searching about job, family, finances, who I am and who I really want to be. With a birthday coming up that some would see as major, I find myself asking "Am I satisfied with the person I am at this point?" and in some aspects the answer is a resound, lit in neon, shout from the rooftops YES and thennnnnnnn there are some parts of my life that need some work so I have just been trying to figure it all out. As a parent, we are to lead by example so I have really been asking myself...am I the kind of person I want my son to be? Are we living in a way that will shape him to be a successful, kind, and gentle person when he grows up? Are we teaching him all the important things about life? Or as I have seen in many aspects other lives and my own, are we teaching him that certain things are normal and acceptable when we all know they aren't? Needless to say, you guys, the atmosphere in my mind has been HEAVY lately and I chose to not ramble on (hey wait, yes, I know...like I am now) about these things and just step back for a minute and get it together! 

Okay...that is all.....if you did not get up and get that cookie before, you sure deserve on now! Have one for me and let's celebrate being back :)